Disclaimer: Mr. J.D. Vance has never publicly acknowledged wearing makeup. This article is purely a display of personal bias and a penchant for gossip.

The fact that makeup makes people’s lives better has long been noted. It’s in our nature to deny what nature bestows upon us—pimples, wrinkles, etc.—and makeup is our partner in crime. But the power of these potions and powders over male politicians—a subgroup of humans who enjoy showcasing their mental roughness through physical raggedness—has heretofore been shrouded in mystery. That is, until Mr. J.D. Vance betrayed his fellows.His impeccable smoky eyes have puzzled MAGA supporters but captivated cosmetics connoisseurs (What is it ? Maybelline? Urban Decay?). The enhancing contour, the natural shadow, the perfect balance between subtleness and drama—these alone deserve a press conference.

Though Vance’s supporters might still find the idea off-putting—and are hence vehemently denying the obvious (“All he has are thick eyelashes”)—there are indisputable perks to his doing so, and it should therefore be vehemently encouraged.

Aside from the palpable ego boost politicians are constantly hungry for, and the camouflage that comes in handy when they blatantly lie, makeup offers at least two other advantages that have largely escaped public attention.

Firstly, distraction. Take Vance as an example, Chinese netizen bent on bashing his “Chinese peasants” remark would find the discussion inevitably diluted by talk of Vance’s irresistible eyes. “Don’t worry about Vance. He wouldn’t be able to work if China stopped exporting mascara,” one comment reads. Under any thread titled “In all seriousness, what do you think of U.S. Vice President Vance?”, it’s futile to assume the conversation will stay serious. At some point, you’re bound to encounter: “Did he sneak in a plastic surgery trip to South Korea? Was the eyeliner tattooed?” or “I bet he’d be popular in Chengdu.” (Note: Chengdu is a Chinese city known for its vibrant same-sex culture.) These eye-catching distractions make outright bashing of Vance’s political stance seem, quite honestly, just boring. Enough with the critical readings of Hillbilly Elegy and shot-by-shot analyses of his speeches. Time to elevate beauty—together with the Vice President of the United States. It’s tempting to think this is all part of Vance’s deliberate tactic. If not, it should be.

Secondly, it tremendously solidifies the teetering common ground two of China’s subcultural groups—beauty addicts and politics aficionados—might share, if they’ve ever enjoyed any at all. For the first time on Chinese social media, the politics forum feels like it could actually benefit from the input of makeup gurus—What is Vance applying? And what could it mean? No more derogatory sniping between two groups traditionally divided along gender lines. Vance’s makeup artistry manages to bring out the best in both. And the collaboration is far from over—they still have Putin’s age-defying face to examine and appreciate, to say the least. They should even work out a hypothesis where the intensity of a politician’s appearance change lies on the X axis, and the intensity of a country’s political change lies on the Y. Imagine the fun in identifying who qualifies as data.

Editor: Zhiyu Wang